669小说网

第16部分（第1页）

d　not　exult；　I　did　not　lose　control　of　myself　in　any　way。　But　I　remember　drawing　one　or　two　deep　sighs；　as　if　all　at　once　relieved　of　some　distressing　burden　or　constraint。　Only　some　hours　after　did　I　begin　to　feel　any　kind　of　agitation。　That　night　I　did　not　close　my　eyes；　the　night　after　I　slept　longer　and　more　soundly　than　I　remember　to　have　done　for　a　score　of　years。　Once　or　twice　in　the　first　week　I　had　a　hysterical　feeling；　I　scarce　kept　myself　from　shedding　tears。　And　the　strange　thing　is　that　it　seems　to　have　happened　so　long　ago；　I　seem　to　have　been　a　free　man　for　many　a　twelvemonth；　instead　of　only　for　two。　Indeed；　that　is　what　I　have　often　thought　about　forms　of　true　happiness；　the　brief　are　quite　as　satisfying　as　those　that　last　long。　I　wanted；　before　my　death；　to　enjoy　liberty　from　care；　and　repose　in　a　place　I　love。　That　was　granted　me；　and；　had　I　known　it　only　for　one　whole　year；　the　sum　of　my　enjoyment　would　have　been　no　whit　less　than　if　I　live　to　savour　it　for　a　decade。

XXIV

The　honest　fellow　who　es　to　dig　in　my　garden　is　puzzled　to　account　for　my　peculiarities；　I　often　catch　a　look　of　wondering　speculation　in　his　eye　when　it　turns　upon　me。　It　is　all　because　I　will　not　let　him　lay　out　flower…beds　in　the　usual　way；　and　make　the　bit　of　ground　in　front　of　the　house　really　neat　and　ornamental。　At　first　he　put　it　down　to　meanness；　but　he　knows　by　now　that　that　cannot　be　the　explanation。　That　I　really　prefer　a　garden　so　poor　and　plain　that　every　cottager　would　be　ashamed　of　it；　he　cannot　bring　himself　to　believe；　and　of　course　I　have　long　since　given　up　trying　to　explain　myself。　The　good　man　probably　concludes　that　too　many　books　and　the　habit　of　solitude　have　somewhat　affected　what　he　would　call　my　〃reasons。〃

The　only　garden　flowers　I　care　for　are　the　quite　old…fashioned　roses；　sunflowers；　hollyhocks；　lilies　and　so　on；　and　these　I　like　to　see　growing　as　much　as　possible　as　if　they　were　wild。　Trim　and　symmetrical　beds　are　my　abhorrence；　and　most　of　the　flowers　which　are　put　into　them……hybrids　e……Jonesia；　Snooksia……hurt　my　eyes。　On　the　other　hand；　a　garden　is　a　garden；　and　I　would　not　try　to　introduce　into　it　the　flowers　which　are　my　solace　in　lanes　and　fields。　Foxgloves；　for　instance……it　would　pain　me　to　see　them　thus　transplanted。

I　think　of　foxgloves；　for　it　is　the　moment　of　their　glory。　Yesterday　I　went　to　the　lane　which　I　visit　every　year　at　this　time；　the　deep；　rutty　cart…track；　descending　between　banks　covered　with　giant　fronds　of　the　polypodium；　and　overhung　with　wych…elm　and　hazel；　to　that　cool；　grassy　nook　where　the　noble　flowers　hang　on　stems　all　but　of　my　own　height。　Nowhere　have　I　seen　finer　foxgloves。　I　suppose　they　rejoice　me　so　because　of　early　memories……　to　a　child　it　is　the　most　impressive　of　wild　flowers；　I　would　walk　miles　any　day　to　see　a　fine　cluster；　as　I　would　to　see　the　shining　of　purple　loosestrife　by　the　water　edge；　or　white　lilies　floating　upon　the　still　depth。

But　the　gardener　and　I　understand　each　other　as　soon　as　we　go　to　the　back　of　the　house；　and　get　among　the　vegetables。　On　that　ground　he　finds　me　perfectly　sane。　And　indeed　I　am　not　sure　that　the　kitchen　garden　does　not　give　me　more　pleasure　than　the　domain　of　flowers。　Every　morning　I　step　round　before　breakfast　to　see　how　things　are　〃ing　on。〃　It　is　happiness　to　note　the　swelling　of　pods；　the　healthy　vigour　of　potato　plants；　aye；　even　the　shooting　up　of　radishes　and　cress。　This　year　I　have　a　grove　of　Jerusalem　artichokes；　they　are　seven　or　eight　feet　high；　and　I　seem　to　get　vigour　as　I　look　at　the　stems　which　are　all　but　trunks；　at　the　great　beautiful　leaves。　Delightful；　too；　are　the　scarlet　runners；　which　have　to　be　propped　again　and　again；　or　they　would　break　down　under　the　abundance　of　their　yield。　It　is　a　treat　to　me　to　go　among　them　with　a　basket；　gathering；　I　feel　as　though　Nature　herself　showed　kindness　to　me；　in　giving　me　such　abundant　food。　How　fresh　and　wholesome　are　the　odours……especially　if　a　shower　has　fallen　not　long　ago！

I　have　some　magnificent　carrots　this　year……straight；　clean；　tapering；　the　colour　a　joy　to　look　upon。

XXV

For　two　things　do　my　thoughts　turn　now　and　then　to　London。　I　should　like　to　hear　the　long　note　of　a　masters　violin；　or　the　faultless　cadence　of　an　exquisite　voice；　and　I　should　like　to　see　pictures。　Music　and　painting　have　always　meant　much　to　me；　here　I　can　enjoy　them　only　in　memory。

Of　course　there　is　the　disfort　of　concert…hall　and　exhibition…　rooms。　My　pleasure　in　the　finest　music　would　be　greatly　spoilt　by　having　to　sit　amid　a　crowd；　with　some　idiot　audible　on　right　hand　or　left；　and　the　show　of　pictures　would　give　me　a　headache　in　the　first　quarter　of　an　hour。　Non　sum　qualis　eram　when　I　waited　several　hours　at　the　gallery　door　to　hear　Patti；　and　knew　not　a　moments　fatigue　to　the　end　of　the　concert；　or　when；　at　the　Academy；　I　was　astonished　to　find　that　it　was　four　oclock；　and　I　had　forgotten　food　since　breakfast。　The　truth　is；　I　do　not　much　enjoy　anything　nowadays　which　I　cannot　enjoy　ALONE。　It　sounds　morose；　I　imagine　the　ment　of　good　people　if　they　overheard　such　a　confession。　Ought　I；　in　truth；　to　be　ashamed　of　it？

I　always　read　the　newspaper　articles　on　exhibitions　of　pictures；　and　with　most　pleasure　when　the　pictures　are　landscapes。　The　mere　names　of　paintings　often　gladden　me　for　a　whole　day……those　names　which　bring　before　the　mind　a　bit　of　seashore；　a　riverside；　a　glimpse　of　moorland　or　of　woods。　However　feeble　his　criticism；　the　journalist　generally　writes　with　appreciation　of　these　subjects；　his　descriptions　carry　me　away　to　all　sorts　of　places　which　I　shall　never　see　again　with　the　bodily　eye；　and　I　thank　him　for　his　unconscious　magic。　Much　better　this；　after　all；　than　really　going　to　London　and　seeing　the　pictures　themselves。　They　would　not　disappoint　me；　I　love　and　honour　even　the　least　of　English　landscape　painters；　but　I　should　try　to　see　too　many　at　once；　and　fall　back　into　my　old　mood　of　tired　grumbling　at　the　conditions　of　modern　life。　For　a　year　or　two　I　have　grumbled　little……all　the　better　for　me。

XXVI

Of　late；　I　have　been　wishing　for　music。　An　odd　chance　gratified　my　desire。

I　had　to　go　into　Exeter　yesterday。　I　got　there　about　sunset；　transacted　my　business；　and　turned　to　walk　home　again　through　the　warm　twilight。　In　Southernhay；　as　I　was　passing　a　house　of　which　the　ground…floor　windows　stood　open；　there　sounded　the　notes　of　a　piano……chords　touched　by　a　skilful　hand。　I　checked　my　step；　hoping；　and　in　a　minute　or　two　the　musician　began　to　play　that　nocturne　of　Chopin　which　I　love　best……I　dont　know　how　to　name　it。　My　heart　leapt。　There　I　stood　in　the　thickening　dusk；　the　glorious　sounds　floating　about　me；　and　I　trembled　with　very　ecstasy　of　enjoyment。　When　silence　came；　I　waited　in　the　hope　of　another　piece；　but　nothing　followed；　and　so　I　went　my　way。

It　is　well　for　me　that　I　cannot　hear　music　when　I　will；　assuredly　I　should　not　have　such　intense　pleasure　as　es　to　me　now　and　then　by　haphazard。　As　I　walked　on；　forgetting　all　about　the　distance；　and　reaching　home　before　I　knew　I　was　half　way　there；　I　felt　gratitude　to　my　unknown　benefactor……a　state　of　mind　I　have　often　experienced　in　the　days　long　gone　by。　It　happened　at　times……not　in　my　barest　days；　but　in　those　of　decent　poverty……that　some　one　in　the　house　where　I　lodged　played　the　piano……and　how　it　rejoiced　me　when　this　came　to　pass！　I　say　〃played　the　piano〃……a　phrase　that　covers　much。　For　my　own　part；　I　was　very　tolerant；　anything　that　could　by　the　largest　interpretation　be　called　music；　I　weled　and　was　thankful；　for　even　〃five…finger　exercises〃　I　found；　at　moments；　better　than　nothing。　For　it　was　when　I　was　labouring　at　my　desk　that　the　notes　of　the　instrument　were　grateful　and　helpful　to　me。　Some　men；　I　believe；　would　have　been　driven　frantic　under　the　circumstances；　to　me；　anything　like　a　musical　sound　always　came　as　a　godsend；　it　tuned　my　thoughts；　it　made　the　words　flow。　Even　the　street　organs　put　me　in　a　happy　mood；　I　owe　many　a　page　to　them……written　when　I　should　else　have　been　sunk　in　bilious　gloom。

More　than　once；　too；　when　I　was　walking　London　streets　by　night；　penniless　and　miserable；　music　from　an　open　window　has　stayed　my　step；　even　as　yesterday。　Very　well　can　I　remember　such　a　moment　in　Eaton　Square；　one　night　when　I　was　going　back　to　Chelsea；　tired；　hungry；　racked　by　frustrate　passions。　I　had　tramped　miles　and　miles；　in　the　hope　of　wearying　myself　so　that　I　could　sleep　and　forget。　Then　came　the　piano　notes……I　saw　that　there　was　festival　in　the　house……and　for　an　hour　or　so　I　revelled　as　none　of　the　bidden　guests　could　possibly　be　doing。　And　when　I　reached　my　poor　lodgings；　I　was　no　longer　envious　nor　mad　with　desires；　but　as　I　fell　asleep　I　thanked　the　unknown　mortal　who　had　played　for　me；　and　given　me　peace。

XXVII

To…day　I　have　read　The　Tempest。　It　is　perhaps　the　play　that　I　love　best；　and；　because　I　seem　to　myself　to　know　it　so　well；　I　monly　pass　it　over　in　opening　the　book。　Yet；　as　always　in　regard　to　Shakespeare；　having　read　it　once　more；　I　find　that　my　knowledge　was　less　plete　than　I　supposed。　So　it　would　be；　live　as　long　as　one　might；　so　it　would　ever　be；　whilst　one　had　strength　to　turn　the　pages　and　a　mind　left　to　read　them。

I　like　to　believe　that　this　was　the　poets　last　work；　that　he　wrote　it　in　his　home　at　Stratford；　walking　day　by　day　in　the　fields　which　had　taught　his　boyhood　to　love　rural　England。　It　is　ripe　fruit　of　the　supreme　imagination；　perfect　craft　of　the　master　hand。　For　a　man　whose　lifes　business　it　has　been　to　study　the　English　tongue；　arking　the　happy　ease　wherewith　Shakespeare　surpasses；　in　mere　mand　of　words；　every　achievement　of　those　even　who；　apart　from　him；　are　great？　I　could　fancy　that；　in　The　Tempest；　he　wrought　with　a　peculiar　consciousness　of　this　power；　smiling　as　the　word　of　inimitable　felicity；　the　phrase　of　inparable　cadence；　was　whispered　to　him　by　the　Ariel　that　was　his　genius。　He　seems　to　sport　with　language；　to　amuse　himself　with　new　discovery　of　its　resources。　From　king　to　beggar；　men　of　every　rank　and　every　order　of　mind　have　spoken　with　his　lips；　he　has　uttered　the　lore　of　fairyland；　now　it　pleases　him　to　create　a　being　neither　man　nor　fairy；　a　something　between　brute　and　human　nature；　and　to　endow　its　purposes　with　words。　These　words；　how　they　smack　of　the　moist　and　spawning　earth；　of　the　life　of　creatures　that　cannot　rise　above　the　soil！　We　do　not　think　of　it　enough；　we　stint　our　wonder　because　we　fall　short　in　appreciation。　A　miracle　is　worked　before　us；　and　we　scarce　give　heed；　it　has　bee　familiar　to　our　minds　as　any　other　of　natures　marvels；　which　we　rarely　pause　to　reflect　upon。

The　Tempest　contains　the　noblest　meditative　passage　in　all　the　plays；　that　which　embodies　Shakespeares　final　view　of　life；　and　is　the　inevitable　quotation　of　all　who　would　sum　the　teachings　of　philosophy。　It　contains　his　most　exquisite　lyrics；　his　tenderest　love　passages；　and　one　glimpse　of　fairyland　which……I　cannot　but　think……outshines　the　utmost　beauty　of　A　Midsummer　Nights　Dream：　Prosperos　farewell　to　the　〃elves　of　hills；　brooks；　standing　lakes；　and　groves。〃　Again　a　miracle；　these　are　things　which　cannot　be　staled　by　repetition。　e　to　them　often　as　you　will；　they　are　ever　fresh　as　though　new　minted　from　the　brain　of　the　poet。　Being　perfect；　they　can　never　droop　under　that　sa